Loneliness....

I tend to isolate myself. I am not sure whether it is connected with being bipolar. There might be a subconscious desire not to make new friends. The illness has cost me so many friendships. I got tired of explaining and apologising. It might seem convenient to avoid building new relationships.

I don’t reach out to friends. That is something I have to work on. I seem to have acquaintances rather than friends. I see a friend as someone you meet occasionally, maybe for a pint or a coffee. A friend will come round to visit, call on the phone or join you for a restaurant meal.  I have rarely had friends as I described. It doesn’t help that I have an apparent phobia about using the phone. Don’t get me wrong. I like people and I like to be with them. It is possible that my social isolation is more to do with my personal character than it is do with being bipolar. Bipolar just adds a few more challenges to the task.

Aaaagh!! Rapid Cycling

The last few days I've been waking up feeling relatively normal.  As the day progresses my mood shifts into self pity, loneliness, and depression.  And by the time I'm ready to go to bed I am so depressed I start crying and having thoughts that this life is not worth living.  I go to sleep to wake feeling normal again and again by bed time I am in the same depressed state... how I hate not having control over my moods.  What I would give to have relief.  Such is the bipolar life.....   

Feeling uneasy

Don't know what it is but today I have been feeling uneasy...a tinge anxious.  Headache looming, irritated....  I hope this is not a precursor to depression or hypomania....  I hate feeling like this!
The last little while I have been very isolated during the weekdays...no urge to call or talk to anyone, bored, lonely.....  But the only person to blame is myself.  I wish I were more outgoing and less awkward in social circumstances.