Introduction

I started this blog as an outlet for myself and also in the hopes that someone else out there might feel the same way I do and be helped or comforted to know that they are not alone.  I am 32 years old and I live in Canada.  I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder a few months ago.  My life has been a roller coaster ride of moods since about the age of 13.  I didn't know why I was always making poor decisions, ruining relationships, stuck in deep depressions for prolonged periods of time, and having periods of high elevated moods.  All I knew was that I was different from everyone else, as a result I had a tendency to isolate myself, something that I still have a tendency to do.  I sometimes feel like I'm two different people sharing one body.  When I'm feeling high (hypomanic) I am in a nutshell pleasure seeking...my drug of choice is sex.  I am married to the love of my life and we have a young child.  So as you might well imagine my husband would be happy that my drug of choice is sex.  Well at first it was, until I started looking for sexual partners outside of our marriage.  I knew that this behavior was wrong but I didn't care, that is a hallmark of cyclothymia and bipolar - whatever it is that is our pleasure we don't care at the time that it is bad or what the consequences might be.  I have been caught numerous times seeking outside relationships, or in outside relationships by my husband.  And I don't know why my husband sticks by me but he does...I guess you could call that love.  Our life has been rocked by my disorder and I struggle everyday with what I have done.