Dark Thoughts

So right now my medications are:
Effexor XR 225mg/day, Zoloft 50mg/day, Trazodone 100mg/day.
Mood swings are still there.  Last week I didn't leave the house for 3 days, not even to go outside.  And of course this added to feeling depressed.  I was supposed to go out with a local moms group a couple times but decided that I didn't want to get out of bed that early - they were for 9:15am.  And with my daughter being in afternoon classes M-F a chance to sleep in is not usually missed.  Our new baby was born on August 19, a girl - happy and healthy.  She just turned 5 months today - sleep has of course been only 4 hours at a time at night - with breastfeeding and diaper changes.
Another symptom of depression that I have is irritability.  My children do not irritate me, but the four legged animals in our house do.  Our cat drives me nuts - she meows constantly - and when it's around feeding time she is downright obnoxious.  She cries constantly and attempts to trip me until I fill her bowl.  Even when I go to fill her dish she is so impatient that she will usually slap my hand while I pour  the food.
So while I was in an especially bad mood I just couldn't take the noise coming from her anymore and scruffed her, grabbed her by the throat and squeezed while promptly tossing her out on to the front porch.  I sometimes get so irritated that I have a tendency to lash out.  I am not proud of this and actually ashamed of my actions.  I even had contemplated how to kill her on more than one occasion.
Our two dogs on the other hand are just dirty beasts.  They eat poo on a continuous basis, and destroy any kind of cleaning that takes place around here.  I do not lash out at them, but I really don't see a need for them.  I have thought about giving them away or taking them to a shelter, but I know this would be seen as completely unacceptable by my family.  And the problem also lies with me, I decided to get all of these pets in the first place.
It seems that after having children that my patience for our furries has completely disappeared.

I am making a conscious effort to get to bed at a decent time each night, my husband goes to bed around 11-1130pm so I just follow along.  I do still fall into the habit of staying up until 4 or 5am on a frequent basis.  And when I do so I find myself sneaking up to bed and hope that my husband doesn't catch me up at that hour.  I tiptoe up the stairs, get undressed and into a nightshirt in the bathroom, and very gingerly I slip under the covers to be undetected.
My personal hygiene is usually something that suffers as well, I will go without showering for 4 or 5 days at a time, my hair gets all greasy, I neglect to brush my teeth, and I don't look in the mirror except for the half second it takes to brush my hair.  I have to go get 4 fillings this month as of course without taking care of my mouth I have to pay the price.  Very rarely will I wear a stitch of makeup, unless I am going somewhere and feel ashamed of my unkept appearance.  Very frequently I just don't care enough to make an effort, I just don't see the point.
Somehow I still manage to care for my children - they are never neglected.  I only save that for myself, I have lost 10lbs just due to the fact that I usually don't eat anything in the afternoon.  So I usually eat a half decent breakfast with my older daughter, once she is off to school I just don't make the effort to prepare anything for myself while I'm on my own.  And once my husband and her have arrived home later I do make dinner.  I usually have a large portion and a dessert.  I also don't usually consume enough water and am chronically dehydrated.
I have an appointment on Tuesday with my psychiatrist to tell her all of this and see what she says.  I will post an update then.