Other disappointing things about me

Feeling better as of yesterday, depression has lifted... yet again.  I'm still going to go see my psychiatrist tomorrow, tell her how I was feeling super shitty for a few days - she'll ask about changing meds, dosage, etc...  I don't want to mess with meds yet again - more often than not messing with them just puts me into a deeper depression and I return to my usual dosages or drugs to bring myself back to what I can handle.  If you call being stable for the most part, still avoiding people out of my trusted circle of people, mostly bored, and disappointed in myself, handling it.  It's better than wanting to die or swinging in to fits of rage and irritability.  I find sometimes I'm downright dangerous, or neglectful.  I can tune out just about anything without any trouble, child screaming? no problem - ignore it... until you feel bad and go and pick up the baby.  Preschooler running around doing god knows what? no problem - become blind to what's going on until a) she's crying b) doing something destructive c) or dangerous...
Two rambunctious dogs?  lock them out in the yard and ignore them.  Cat annoying you or getting into things?  lock her in the basement and ignore her cries for release...
Yes I'm good at tuning out, tuning out to a fault.  To the point I feel awful about the time I've wasted, for ignoring my child, realizing I haven't eaten anything for 6 hours or drank anything for an entire day, or staying up far too late.  I just don't know how to stop, how to live in the moment, to connect to my kids and my husband.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night with a migraine.  The entire right side of my head just hurts... throbs.... Advil takes most of the pain away but it doesn't last long.  Perhaps it's a result of sleep deprivation, sleeping wrong while breastfeeding in bed and making room for baby - my neck and shoulders are usually stiff and sore, or my chronic dehydration.  I weighed myself the other day, now down 10 lbs, not trying to lose weight... just not eating anything between breakfast and dinner.
Don't know how to break my bad habits.  I guess if I felt good, rested, optimistic I would make more of an effort.